You know what the "MF" stands for.
SOUR: It's 10:40 a.m. and I haven't felt right all morning. I've felt like something's been missing. I've felt incomplete. Then it hit me -- I haven't had any freaking coffee yet! WTF?
SWEET: I just got my coffee, and -- here's a pleasant surprise -- it does NOT taste like hot liquid ass for once. Is it possible that the taste of the cheap breakroom coffee can change from day to day? Thursday: ass. Friday: not ass-like at all! Hmm.
SWEET: Tonight Mary and I will make steaks and drink fancy martinis with names like "Fruit Loop." Then, I will most likely say I need to go to bed early cause I'm exhausted and have to get up early Saturday to help Mike move.
SOUR: I will most likely NOT, in fact, go to bed early at all, but will instead force Mary to sit outside on the balcony with me while I drink red wine and smoke and ramble on and on about relationships and follow up every rant with "I'm sorry I'm talking too much about myself" to which she will reply, "Weird Al, it's OK, that's what you're supposed to do," and in turn I will say, "Thanks," breathe for a second and let her get a couple words in, and then somehow turn it back to me. The next morning, I will attempt to help with a move. I know this is how it'll happen. God, why did you not bless me with self-control and/or will power?
SWEET: Following the moving, Mary, Allyson, Jennifer and I will be on our way to the Journey/Heart/Cheap Trick concert! Tailgating! '80s music! Girlfriends! Woot!
3 comments:
LOL. This is hilarious today. I'm not sure if it's my uplifted mood or your superior writing skills or maybe some combination of both, but I'm loving all of it. Also, I would like to try one of these Fruit Loop martinis. SO, you must either bring one next weekend or we will quest for one. Nuff said.
Perhaps I will bring the ingredients for the martinis to Knoxville, and we can mix them in the room, put them in some sort of non-suspect looking cooler and partake of them at the pool!
I LOVE THAT!
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